By-Two Kaapi in an oilfield

The weblog of Abhilash Ravishankar, India.

Here I blog about my personal experiences [posting rarely]

At my tumblelog Intoxicated by possibility I blog about my opinions/likes/dislikes [posting heavily]

My Wozniak

Steve Jobs:

"He was the only person I met who knew more about electronics than me"

Steve Wozniak:
"Steve didn't know very much about electronics"

I still can't find my Wozniak.

PS: The last line wasn't mine. I saw this on the net today, and it took me 1 whole minute to understand.

Me, My Wife & Orkut

Orkut has this amazingly hilarious 'Today's Fortune' column in the homepage of its users.
Obviously, as one would have guessed it, it's just a set of preset lines that rotate/randomly appear on the homepage. But, here was one really really funny fortune that I got today.

I wonder - How can it be "Today's" fortune, when it's talking about my whole life ?


And then there was the towering figure of Howard Roark...


Phew! 6 'S's in the word! ('S's !! Double phew!)

I remember a late night chat with a pal of mine under the Pilani night sky with a bag of popcorn and a capuccino in my hand, which happened long long ago. Like a couple of hippies who had their dose of 'bhaang' (the cannabis we get here) we yapped about life, universe and everything. And sometime during that whole barrage of words (which were basically incoherent to ourselves most of the time), we talked about the word with 6 'S's mentioned in the title of the post.

"Would I be possessive of my wife?" was the first question we had to answer. It hadn't crossed the web of my thoughts so strongly till then. Then, I began to ponder. Ponder. I don't remember my answer! A faint memory tickles me reminding me that we also spoke about us being possessive about things like 'an idea', 'a pen' and 'a girlfriend'.

Memories of that conversation came calling as I was Orkutting today. For reasons best unsaid, I chose to reanswer that question we had tried to answer long back. This time, with a much more deeper sense of maturity and clarity of thought.

Inherently, by nature, I would answer 'Yes!'. But, with a tad bit of rational thinking, and placing myself in her shoes, I've begun to realize that I have to loosen up. Free my mind. Again, as I always do, I began to harp upon the meaning of being possessive. Made a crappy attempt at defining it.

On a related note, I was thinking of an incident whose analogous situation would go like this (the true incident better stay put in my cephalon; the analogy is good enough for thought):

One of the world's most heralded treasures is believed to be in the most dreaded of pyramids in a overtly huge labyrinth. Very few explorers barely even manage to cross the first door. There has been no documented evidence of anbody going beyond the second level. And there you are somewhere in the fourth level. Just one more to go, and you will be the proud owner of the treasure. And there you reach a huge huge gorge. Something that can never be crossed by a single person with any technology of the present day. You decide to give up, with a heavy heart, of course. Just, as this faint tinge of pride dawns upon you that you atleast came so far,... You see a writing engraved on the wall - "Anjan was here" with a date bearing just 7 months ago. And, worst of all, you know Anjan! And there is a mark below that which proves that it is certainly the same Anjan. So, how do you feel now? A strong feeling of envy in our blood? Or the joy of you making it to the farthest extent possible?

Mixed emotions.
The next time I see Anjan - and when both of us come to know of both of our quests. What feeling would we have for each other? A twinkle of that treasure in our eyes. A feeling of brotherhood for having been-there-done-that. A cold envy in the veins that we can no longer call ourselves 'The only man to go there'. A pale face of not having made it. And above all that the anxiety in waiting for that 'one guy' who will cross that gorge.

Reminds me of Pearl Jam's 'Black':
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

--- Update---
Was just listening to one of my favorite Papa roach songs - "Between Angels and Insects". Just struck me how related the lyrics are to this post -

There is no money
There is no possession
Only obsession
I don't need that shit

Take my money
Take my possession
Take my obsession
I don't need that shit

F*** your money
F*** your possession
F*** your obsession
I don't need that shit

Well, frankly, I don't need that shit!


Too many things squabbling in my head for a piece of its processing power. And somewhere behind the cobwebs, I hear - "She's gonna blow!". All those things just go berserk. A stampede. Death. Misery. Agony. Blank.

Well, that's how I feel.

I was just wondering what's become of me, over this year. The third year of my hallowed Undergrad Engineering Degree. And realization strikes me. A soothing light dawns. This year, I have discovered my weaknesses. The boundaries within which I can work. And it feels right this time.

All these days, there was an indomitable feeling that I could do any frigging thing on the planet IF I believed I could do so. I was an arrogant ego-maniac (Yikes! I am going overboard here). (One more reading of the two lines gives me a feeling, I am going too overboard. I wasn't that bad, mate!!). But then it comes to be....

Life shows me the fence. (Not to paint it!). People and experiences. Sums it all up. People who have now shown me my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities. People who have brought down the crazy image I had of myself, by proving its non-reality. Experiences which made me utter - "This is rock bottom. I can't go lower than this.". Experiences which made me think - "I am not the guy who I thought I was, after all.". Experiences which made me feel - "Damn! This is not going to last forever".

I am forced to mumble what everyone does when one loses a contest - "It's not victory that counts. It's the learning experience!". Yeah, right! But, whatever said, I think I know myself better than I did 6 months ago.

At the timing of the whole phase - I have just two words - "Why now?"

Listerning to: Metallica S&M's No Leaf Clover (Ardent Metallica fans could have got it from the hidden lines in the post!)


This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.


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