By-Two Kaapi in an oilfield

The weblog of Abhilash Ravishankar, India.

Here I blog about my personal experiences [posting rarely]

At my tumblelog Intoxicated by possibility I blog about my opinions/likes/dislikes [posting heavily]


Too many things squabbling in my head for a piece of its processing power. And somewhere behind the cobwebs, I hear - "She's gonna blow!". All those things just go berserk. A stampede. Death. Misery. Agony. Blank.

Well, that's how I feel.

I was just wondering what's become of me, over this year. The third year of my hallowed Undergrad Engineering Degree. And realization strikes me. A soothing light dawns. This year, I have discovered my weaknesses. The boundaries within which I can work. And it feels right this time.

All these days, there was an indomitable feeling that I could do any frigging thing on the planet IF I believed I could do so. I was an arrogant ego-maniac (Yikes! I am going overboard here). (One more reading of the two lines gives me a feeling, I am going too overboard. I wasn't that bad, mate!!). But then it comes to be....

Life shows me the fence. (Not to paint it!). People and experiences. Sums it all up. People who have now shown me my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities. People who have brought down the crazy image I had of myself, by proving its non-reality. Experiences which made me utter - "This is rock bottom. I can't go lower than this.". Experiences which made me think - "I am not the guy who I thought I was, after all.". Experiences which made me feel - "Damn! This is not going to last forever".

I am forced to mumble what everyone does when one loses a contest - "It's not victory that counts. It's the learning experience!". Yeah, right! But, whatever said, I think I know myself better than I did 6 months ago.

At the timing of the whole phase - I have just two words - "Why now?"

Listerning to: Metallica S&M's No Leaf Clover (Ardent Metallica fans could have got it from the hidden lines in the post!)


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