By-Two Kaapi in an oilfield

The weblog of Abhilash Ravishankar, India.

Here I blog about my personal experiences [posting rarely]

At my tumblelog Intoxicated by possibility I blog about my opinions/likes/dislikes [posting heavily]

The two roads - one a mirage

I have maintained for long that Choice is an illusion. And today after hearing something so damn interesting, disturbing, surprising and frustrating, I sit back and think in mixed emotions as to how right I have been. Right now, I see amplifiers floating all over my eyes, but they tend to be amplifying my ponderings, rather than just getting into my head.

It is more than often that one feels he has a choice. To take the road on the right or on the left. And he ponders for hours, for days, and maybe months, or maybe even years to decide which road to take. Little does he know/think that it is already predestined that he is taking a certain road. The other is just a mirage - so exciting and attractive, but no - it doesn't exist. This is the playground of Destiny, and we are just kicking the ball around.

I just sit with Floyd soothening the atmosphere and think what if I was not in Bangalore this summer, what if I did not screw up my acads last year (not that I am dejected, actually I dont give a damn), what if .... and mixed feeling crop up. I would have been totally different, if I wasn't. Probably I would be like some of my friends who have changed after internship - in many ways, some obvious and some not so. The other day I was talking to one of them, I realised I had missed out something as Destiny had other plans for me. Not that I am cribbing that things went wrong for me, but it is just that emptiness when you feel when you come so close,and realise that you are still so far. Probably, I was not just meant to take the road that was a mirage - even if it lay on solid ground. How unlucky!

The choices that I saw, the road that I was forced to take, the other road I saw, the pains of love and hate, the inequality of fate, the zeitergeist, the emptiness, the tears when someone loses confidence in you, the insolent cry when someone doesnt talk to you, the heart and the mind fighting it out within you, the guilt of not being responsible, the utter feeling of hopelessness - I have had too much.



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