By-Two Kaapi in an oilfield

The weblog of Abhilash Ravishankar, India.

Here I blog about my personal experiences [posting rarely]

At my tumblelog Intoxicated by possibility I blog about my opinions/likes/dislikes [posting heavily]

I'm lovin it !

No no no.....I am not advertising for McDonald's nor did I have the opportunity to dine at one today nor do I intend to talk aout McDonalds. The link being that their punchline so suited my mood today. But that was the case half an hour back, because now something has changed my mood.

Going back half an hour in time. It was almost 3 in the morning when I alongwith 2 friends of mine cameback after a long 2 and a half hours in the All night canteen. And it felt so good. Earlier in the evening, I had spoken to another friend of mine and I had already started feeling better. Its all about innovation and passion. Two things I love to see in people around me. And with the people I am around, I feel as if I am in seventh heaven. I was thinking of choice the other day, and I was questioning my own choice-making ability and my inability to say "no" in many cases. I was pondering whether burdening myself with responsibility when I am also inclined to doing something equally important in another area of interest was the right choice. Now, I get it. Yehi hai right choice !!

Right now, the cytoplasm in my body cells are doing a small jig anf giving me a feeling of angst. I feel naked. I have always believed in life not being a closed diary. I have always wanted to share memories, thoughts, every emotion of mine with people around me. When I was a kid, I remember sitting on the kitchen slab dipping my hand into flour and make modern art figures from atta while my mom used to make chapatis. I used to tell her everything I dreamt of, everything I thought of and everything I felt. My mom used to silently listen to my whole beating-round-the-bush speech and then add her inputs which used to be so crisp and would make so much sense. As I grew up, my mom used to tell me about lots of things that she felt and thought about. Even now, we share such a brilliant relationship. But then, I realised the pain in BITS Pilani, where I miss her. One thing is for sure, men cant understand emotions. Very few do. A girl would rather understand how I feel better than a guy. My brother is so young, and at times I regret not having an elder sister. Though I would bare all my thoughts and feelings to a person whom I am close to, I was apprehensive about he/she doing the same. Probably I expected that openness in a relationship that I shared with my mom. And here I have spoken about certain issues to only select people, and I foolishly expected them to do the same. I was mistaken. I have now come to realise that only a mother or a sister can understand what a man 'feels'. Though a father or a brother can be the best guy around to help you innovate and implement, its your mother or sister when it comes to matters of the heart. I miss my mom, and I miss a sister at this place.

It's eleven in the morn.
Just closed the toothpaste tube.
Splashed some water on my face.
Heard the stove being switched on.
(Broad smile on my face.)
Walked royally into the kitchen.
Comfortably sat on the slab.
Took a piece of atta from mama's hand.
Opened my mouth as if it cant be shut.
I spoke and spoke and spoke.
Of last night dreams, of today's news.
Of future dreams, of ideals.
Of passion, of vision.
Of destiny, of God.
The chapati was well roasted.
Chomped it in joy.
My ear caught a signal.
A short speech by mama.
Embedded with gems.
My stomach was full.
My heart was lightened.
My mind was enlightened.

Now, I am far away from home.
I feel the pain.
There is no ear to hear me barking.
There is no mouth to emit a signal.
Probably, thats one reason,
why people marry.
Everybody needs a soulmate.
But I am too young to.

Now, I have a thought.
I have ears.
I have a mouth.
Why dont I listen to myself ?
Thats self-realisation.


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