By-Two Kaapi in an oilfield

I dont remember who and when, but one of my friends asked me recently, "What do you feel/see when you see the moon?". Yeah, I just remembered, it was a breezy Pilani summer night with a screwing test series round the corner, our bunch of friends were sitting at 2 am on the marble platform of the Patel Statue Circle just outside our Bhawan. All of us, so dazed by the magnanimity of the hurdles we had crossed this semester and threatened by the bigger ones ahead were sipping Cappucinos, Moccaccinos, Espressos, Elaichi teas or Coffees. And then out of the blue, 'pop' came the question from one of my friends. I was probably the last person to answer the question. All the answers till then were pretty stereotypical - "I see a face", " I see a kiid", "I see a lifeless body", "I see craters!!".

It was my turn. I went back in time when I was a 15 yr old kid and I was sitting on the terrace of my Uncle's house leaning on a wooden ramp that was placed there. It was close to 11 in the night if I am not wrong. I was just gazing at the moon, and it was a crystal clear night in that sleepy town of Hassan. I remember seeing the craters on the moon as clearly as I can see the scars on my face in the mirror. But, to me the moon evoked a different feeling. It showed me that life is so precious. A lifeless chunk of rock floating in vacuum made no sense to me other than trying to tell mankind the futility of every moment of anger, frustration, fear, hatred, love, and life itself. I was still a small kid but then, I was still my philosophical self then.

Coming back to the nearer past, I remember loads of my friends rushing to the Astro workshop during APOGEE, running to take a look at the stars, the planets, the galaxies through the glasses of an instrument (which I have begun to question) called the telescope. To me, though I did feel the urge to run with them and take a look, going there felt like restricting myself and the horizons of my mind. Once upon a time, I was an astronomy freak; used to scram through astronomy books, CDs, websites, games ; participated in astronomy quizzes, workshops etc etc. But now, more than the scientific part of astronomy what has intrigued me is the inner meaning. When I look at anything through a telescope, my view is restricted, though I see what I am seeing in immense detail. But what I seek when I look at the moon and the skies is "Expanse".

Just try doing this, whenever you are blue. Take a mattress/bedsheet to your terrace. Spread it and lay down. Just free your eyes to freak out. Let them roll and wander over the night sky without focussing on anything intentionally. After a couple of minutes, you see 'depth' in the sky. You feel as if the sky is undergoing 4D clusterization and you are beggining to see the sky in 3D mode. This is when you begin to think - " Damn! Here I am cribbing over such minor issues when I am just a miniscule part f the universe. There exists something so big, that it is everything I have imagined of plus everything that I cannot ever imagine. The earth itsellf is smaller than a speck of dust in the universe, and I am just another speck on this earth." This is when, you feel 'insignificance', and realise the futility of your anxiety and angst. Trust me, you wont feel the universe looking at the rings of saturn; you will better feel it, trying to imagine how it willl be.

So, the next time you think the sky is clear and good, dont rush to get your telescope, take a break and lie down to feel the depth of the sky.

Listening to: The moth buzzing over the tubelight in my room.